Three Months With the Cast of POTC!
by BrownEyedCuriousity
Summary: Thats right you heard the title! Now the thing is awesom so click the words outlined in blue and readddd! The pirates will be riding whales, singing, drinking, and other stuff so yeah! R
1. Meet em!

**Hiya! Well this is my first parody of POTC im just trying to have a little fun but warning my sparrabethness can take over ****during this soo watch out willabethers ahaha but it wont be too bad...i promisee..he-he well i hope all of you enjoy this. I have had it in the back of my cp forso long and i decided to gets some guts and ost it well i hope you like it read and review!!**

**Disclamier-i dont own anything so put the gun down...thou i wish i did own Jack..jesus christ!**

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Host:Hi, my name is hayleydepp9449 and I will be your host for these exciting three, yes three months. Will the Pirates of The Caribbean be able to stand each other for these three months or will they rip each other to shreds, will I be able to resist Jack's good looks or will I jump on him like a mad tiger. I really cant answer that. Now its time to check up on our friends backstage where they have just arrived…woah! They just arrived?

**Camera guy**: yeah, except jack is knocked out cold could wake up any minute now.

_hayleydepp9449 slips offstage grinning fiercely_

**Jack**: WTF am I doing here…..this isn't Victoria's secret

**Will**:-arches eyebrow- what were you doing there

**Jack**: -ignoring will- oh look cameras..-comes close-up to the camera where you can see his breath-Ello..who is in there?

**Elizabeth**: Jack, We signed a contract to be on a reality show, and since you refused to come they bashed you on the head and dragged you here. don't you remember.. Oh yeah it was at that one club and you we were drunk singing "they tried to make me go to rehab and I said NO NO NO".-gasps- JACK SPARROW stop licking the camera…

_Jack stops with his tongue still on the camera looking at Elizabeth_

_pirates move slowly away from him_

**Barbossa**: why, why me-_on knees-_ TAKE ME NOW!

_Norrington sneaks up behind him and hits him with a golf club_

**Will**: I think he is dead….

**Jack**: FINALLY, High Five, anyone, anyone?

_pirates just stares blankly_

**Elizabeth**: I'm hungry.. Taco Bell anyone?

**Jack**: I like tacos

**Norrington**:I like hot gu-hot sauce , I like taco bells hot sauce-_smiles nervously-_

**Will: **Uh, ok?

**Jack**: Ok then off to taco bell….

_screaming in the background_

**Hayleydepp9449**: OMG its JACK SPARROW

**Jack**: CAPTAIN, luv.

**Hayleydepp9449**: CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow-_squee-_

**Jack**: thank you-wait who are you?

Hayleydepp9449: the host and your wife the next three months-grins-

**Jack:** hmm..sounds good to me…Taco Bell

_Jack gestures to the door_

**Hayleydepp9449**: oh god I love tacos..

**Jack**: OMG me too

_Elizabeth rolls eyes_

**Elizabeth**: get a life, people

**Hayleydepp9449**:excuse me, at least everybody I kiss DOESN'T die!

**Pirates**: Burn!

**Will**: ha ha, she got you good

**Elizabeth**: -slaps will across the head- let's go before I have an emotional break down

**Jack:** what about barbossa?

**Norrington: **He Left

**Jack: **Huh?

**Norrington: **said he needed a drink?

**Will: **okay…..

**Jack: **Let's go me and my new wife for de three months have some talking to do!

pirates eyes widen

**Jack: **for petes sake you perverts, lets go Hayley, can I call you Hayley?

**Hayleydepp9449: **anything you want Jackie!

_pirates leave to the limo waiting outside along with the hos_

**Norrington**: Wait. can we bring you?

**Hayleydepp9449**:of course you can…wait jack is bringing me not you guys!

**Norrington**: like I would want to..

**Jack:** watch it, mate… this gal has respect for me.. She called me Captain unlike some PIRATES I know and some wig wearing freak of nature!

**Norrington**: hey, that reminds me can we stop by the store I need new wig powder!

**Pirates:** No!

**Norrington**: -_scrunches up-_ sorry!

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**Well..-nudges reader- how didcha like it review or get chased with a REALLY big stick!**

**Im outta this joint..peace!**

**_HayleyDepp9449 has left de building!_**


	2. Krackens, Apples, Jack besheets oh yeah!

**Heyy guys thanks for the reviews even thou it was two i meant alot to me, meantto update sooner but my CP wasn't working right.**

**I'm going to Georgia Sunday and wont be back till wednesday cuz my daddy is having surgery so this will prob. be the last time i update until thursday but i will try to update before sunday...then i will be back on track Thursday w/ this story, savvy?**

**Well thank you guys for reading if you didn't read it sucks for you 'cuz this story is gonna be awesom!**

**I wuv yall! -Hugs everybody and gives them a flask of Rum-ENJOY!**

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**Hayleydepp9449:**Were back, I hope you enjoyed last weeks episode, I sure did! Anyways, Our Beloved pirates are being brought to the house in Atlanta, GA where they will be staying for the next three months yeah i know what you're thinking "Alanta,whaaaaaaaaatttTTTTT" well the writer had her summer break in Atlanta and thought it would cool if she shared some of her experiences pirate style so yeah i know completely and utterly STUPID! Just watch the show! Now where is my stress ball!!

_next scene shows all the pirates standing outside of the house with amazement on their faces_

**Jack**:Holy Cow, This is HUGE!

**Will**: I have seen better

**Elizabeth**: No you haven't!

**Will**: okay maybe not!-looks innocent-

**Norry**: -walking up too the house- I want the pink room!

**Elizabeth**: -running after Norrington- Not if I can help it!

**Barbossa**: I'm surrounded by idiots!

_The rest of the pirates walk into the house_

_While Elizabeth and Norrington are fighting over the bedroom with the pink theme the camera shoots over to Jack who finds…_

**Jack**: Bed sheets with me on them Oh My Gawd I call this Room -hugs the bed-

**Will**: Now, where did these com from?

**Hayleydepp9449**:I got them especially for Jack since he is so sexy! -bats eyelashes-

**Will: **Oh my goddness where did you come from?!

**Hayleydepp9449**:From under the bed, now go look at target or somewhere maybe wal-mart they _might_ have the ones with you on it but i highly doubt it..i dont think there is some without Jack thou.

**Will**: And why wouldn't they?-looks insulted-

**Hayleydepp9449**: Because you are a eunuch, fruitcup, pansy, whelp, i got a list of these i can go on all night!

**Will**: I'm out of here!

_Jack jumps at her and gives her a huge hug_

**Jack**:-squees like a little girl- I love you sooo much!

**Hayleydepp9449**: my dreams…..they have came true. Oh god I love you too!

_Jack lets go and then I reunited with her when she jumps on him then they both roll off the screen_

**Audience**: Oh. My. Goodies, I cant believe what I just saw!

**Jack Fan Girls**: -sulk in the corner and plot there revenge for this soo called..hayleydepp9449-Now it's time we attack at dawn!

_next scene shows barbossa in his room_

**Barbossa**: I never saw such a thing an apple themed room….. SWEET

**Will**: What the heck is up with all the apples….

**Barbossa**: -pigging out on apples- it's APPLE THEMED.. Isn't it wonderful

**Will**: No, Not really -crosses his arms-

**Barbossa**: Down to the Depths with ye then.. Now leave me too my work -slams door in wills face-

**Will**: whatever, Let's see what i have in store...

_camera shows will in a room surrounded with posters of rock bands and heavy metal music playing_

**Will**: WHY, WHY ME?

_norry and Elizabeth play rock, paper scissors to come to an conclusion onto who would have the room, after 15 redo's Norry ends up with the room_

**Norry**: Oh My Cheese -squee-

**Elizabeth**: -sulking- fine, I knew there was something wrong with you in the first place!

**Norry**: You're just jealous because I get the room and you don't!

**Elizabeth**: AHHHHH

_chases norry into the pool_

**Norry**: Oh my god this place has a pool!

**Elizabeth**: Jack, Will, Barbossa Come 'ere now!

**Jack**: aw man what did I do this time!

**Will**: Be born!

**Jack**:-confused- wha- ohh no you didn't -does that thingy with the head and snaps fingers- your MOMA

**Barbossa**: GROW UP why don't ye!

**Jack**: -ignoring barbossa- holy bejezzers, this place has a pool!

**Elizabeth**:-rolls eyes- I know you idiot that's why I called you guys out here!

**Jack**: oh. So I didn't do anything wrong?

**Elizabeth**: -sarcastically- yes, Jack you summoned Davy Jones and the kraken and in any minute they will pop out of the pool!

**Jack**: OMG -freaks out- RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!runs into the house, grabs his jar of dirt and runs under the sofa

**Barbossa** and **Will**: what a idiot!

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**Ok i tried to make it as funny as possible but i think you guys will LOOOOOVVVVEEEEEE the next chapter ****especially you Capt. Jack fangirls besides moi but hope ya liked it **

**_Peace out fan girls!_**

_Hayleydepp9449 has left to meet up with Johnny at there secret meeting place spot..buh bye!_


	3. Johnny Depp&Chocolate two great mixtures

**Hey wuz up my fellow fangirlzzz**

**Well i decided to update today and maybe tomorrow I'm not sure yet...well..hehe..i hope all you Jack fangirls like this chapter!**

**Disclamier-i dont own Gilmore Girls or Hannah Montanna or Johnny Depp (Damn it damn it damn it) or the movie chocolate! i swear so get the knife away from me! (Jk)**

**Heck lets make this chapter dedicated to Johnny Depp for always being there for his fans and saving that little girl in the coma, God Bless You Johnny you are truly amazing!**

**WE LOVE YOU JOHNNY! (even thou he prob will NEVER see this)**

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Hayleydepp9449: Wow, these last Two weeks have been great but now lets get on over to the pirates and she what they are up too!

_camera shoots to the pirates who are in the living room flipping channels and bored to death_

**Will: **What you guys wanna do today?

**Elizabeth**: I don't know? What you guys wanna do today…

**Barbossa**: shut up! I'm trying to watch Gilmore Girls

_Pirates stare at him_

**Barbossa**: -changes the channel quickly and looks innocent- he-he-he

**Norry**: Oh my Gosh!

**Elizabeth**: -alarmed- what, has jack burned down the house yet?

**Norry**: Hannah Montanna is on…."everybody makes mistakes"

**Jack**: "everybody has those days" -starts to dance like hannah montanna-

_all the pirates look at jack with there mouths wide and i mean chin dropped everything open_

**Jack**: Er…um….I'm Going to go plunder the kitchen!

_Jack walks out of the living room very fast_

**Will**: wow….I'm worried about Jack.

**Elizabeth**: lets find something on tv.

_pirates nod in agreement_

**Elizabeth**: Hey look Grey's Anatomy is on its real good drama and and people on that show get killed almost everyday and uhh good romance, yeah..Plus the all soo hot Patrick Dempsey is in it!

**Norry**:Not as hot as Johnny Depp thou!

**Elizabeth**: Oh yeah Johnny has the looks of a God he also resembles Jack a little!

**Will**: Heyyy, i thought i was your one and only!

**Elizabeth**: Yeah whatever

**Barbossa**: Oh wow...-looks at norry-

**Jack**:-calls from the kitchen- hey people, where is all the rum?

**Elizabeth**: there is no rum….

**Norry**: oh god, here it comes!

**Jack**: WHAT -runs into the living room sliding across the floor and runs into the wall-

**Barbossa**: HAHAHAHAHAHA

**Will**: Sorry Jack, No rum -looks at jack pitifuly-

**Jack**: -lays down and whimpers- no…rum?

**Elizabeth**: Jack, stop being such a baby!

**Jack**: SHUT IT! Ok since there is no rum, I will find something else!

_runs to the kitchen_

**Will**: good luck with that!

**Norry**: Oh gosh and speaking of Johnny there he is in Chocolat...He is so cute, his cheekbones are his best feature

**Will**: Norry, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

**Elizabeth**: He's is so hot eating that chocolate and playing the guitar i swear! -grabs the couch arm-

_Jack stumbles into the room with chocolate all over his face_

**Jack**: This is scrumpdiddlyumpcious, what is it called?

**Norry**: he stole my WORD!

**Barbossa**: -rolls eyes- Chocolate, Jack, Chocolate

**Jack**: Well what is this urge in me, it makes me wanna run up the walls!

**Elizabeth**: Its called a sugar rush and I think you have had one too many chocolate bars -tries to take candy bars away from jack-

**Jack**: -hisses at Elizabeth- NEVER, NEVER -looks around the room and then runs away-

**Will**: WOW

**Norry**: that was funny!

**Elizabeth**: he hissed at me, he hissed at me, Pirate Ki-

**Barbossa**: oh shut it will ye

**Will**: THANK YOU

**Elizabeth**: fine -sulk's in corner-

**Voice**: I feel FREE!

**Will**: WTF was that?

_The pirates look outside and see Jack…_

**Elizabeth**: Streaking, Jack Sparrow is Bare NAKED!

**Will**: I'm BLIND

**Norry**: -squee- I will go get the camera!

_They all stare as norry runs off_

**Barbossa**: we gotta get that boy some help!

_They turn there attention to jack who is now being chased by the cops_

**Jack**: mwhahaha your never catch me

**Cop**: Mr.Sparrow you cant do this!

**Jack**: I will too watch me and you forgot the captain part!

**Cop 2**: CAPTAIN SPARROW, Please get some clothes on or i will be forced to send you to jail.

_The cops get tired of chasing after him 2 hrs and the pirates pulled up a couple of chairs and pop some popcorn while norry takes pictures_

**Norry**: ohh these are so going on myspace!

**Jack**: -does that sexy gesture with his hands- Alas, this would be the day you ALMOST caught CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW and his friend Bobby, the squirrel!

**Barbossa**: wait- where did the squirrel come in at!

**Elizabeth**: I really don't know-Oh my look!

_Jack is seen still naked holding a vine and at the top of a tree_

**Jack**: Come on bobby jump on me back we shall swing like we never have before.. '' Jack, Jack, Jack of the Caribbean, sexy as he can be!"

_Jack swings as bobby jumps on his back and they make that monkey sound while in the air then suddenly…_

**Elizabeth**: WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!

**Barbossa**: OUCH

**Will**: that had of hurt!

**Elizabeth**: Heyy guys dont Tell Jack, but i burnt all the rum...again -bites lower lip- i had to make room in the pantry for all my dieting bars...gosh..

**Barbossa**: So thats where it all went!

**Norry:**Those were yours i thought they where Barbossa's!

_Barbossa glares at Norry_

**Will:** jesus christ dont let Jack know!

_Jack runs up to Elizabeth...yes..still naked.._

**Jack**: You did WHAT WITH MY RUM!!

**Norry: **Run Elizabeth RUN!

_Jack chases after her_

**Jack**: oh no you dont, ocme back 'ere, are you trying to make my life hell you bloody wench!

**Elizabeth: **HELP ME, PLEASE

**Will: **I'm not in the mood, today!

**

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Well i hope you guys enjoyed it! (looks back at story) oh my, even i have to say that was funny as heckkk!!

**Thanks for the reviews i love em!**

**Peace, (Throws up peace sign)**

_Hayleydepp9449 has left to go mourn how she will never be with Johnny Depp!_


	4. Save a Whale, Ride a pirate!

**Hi ya fan girls once again!**

**I hope you guys love this chappie i loved writing it; its probably my fav well enjoy!**

**Diclaimer: Dont own the precious POTC but if i did i would be out right NOW right at this moment doing stuff just like this but i would have other plans for me and jackie!**

**Ohh and this Chapter is dedicated to my little buddy Zack: Keep rocking out lil' Rocker, you're on your way to be the world's best Guitar HERO!**

**Ohh and guess what i screamed when i found out Johnny won the KCA for best actor i like voted for him almost everyday..and i cant believe little rats,RATS, beat POTC AWE, ugh im pee'd off!**

**I LOVE YOU JOHNNY, you're number one in my BOOK!**

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**Backup Host**: Hi everybody sorry that hayleydepp9449 isnt here today, she mysteriously disappeared, It was sometime last saturday around 5:30 and we now have the best sq-

_Hayleydepp9449 runs in with bruises and blood and tattered clothes on and a rope around her_

**Hayleydepp9449**:HELP ME, jack's other fan girls, not including me, kidnapped me and tortured me, please help, I don't have much time they tied me up -grabs a hold of the backup host- i will never think the same of doughnuts again!

_They hear screaming in the background_

**Angry fan girl mob**: GET HER!

**Hayleydepp9449**: IT WAS A MISTAKE...please i didtn't mean anything by it, he is just so good looking and he said he loved me and then hugged me and i couldn't resist you girls can relate to that, RIGHT!

**Leader of the Angry fan girl Mob**:No actually we can't and never will, thats why we are chasing you now, savvy?

_Hayleydepp and the Angry fan girls run out of the room_

**Backup**: well, that was quite a show, somebody call 911 while we take a look at our fellow pirates who are on there way to the Georgia Aquarium, wow, this fanfic is so corny!

_Camera shoots to the pirates loading the limo_

**Jack**: Hey did you guys hear about Hayley getting tortured over ME i feel loved! -hugs himself-

**Will**: You have no symphony for NOBODY!

**Jack**: -insulted- I DO TOO! I just choose not to show it!

_Will rolls his eyes_

**Elizabeth**: you know I like Atlanta!

**Norry**: yeah if you like cramped up spaces and small streets it's a perfect match!

**Elizabeth**: Well it's a change of scenery

Will: I thought you liked the sea thats why you didn't want to move back with me to port royal...

Jack: Yeah….i thought you loved me too -squints-

Elizabeth: Will, uh, that was for a different reason plus i just needed a change of scenery and no jack i don't love you -looks around nervously-

Jack: Aw man!

**Pirates**: yeahhhhhhhh

**Jack**: oh I see it -squee- we are almsot there!

_Norry jumps up in down in the limo_

**Barboss**: boy, calm yer self!

**Norry**: _hmph_ I hate you

_The limo approaches a stop and the pirates get out and go thru security_

**Jack**: Oi! Whats all this

**Will**: security.

**Jack**: ohh really, hehe I'm going to get some fun out of this

**Security Lady**: -timid by all the piratesumm I need you to put all metal ob- OMG what is that!

**Jack**: oi, this! -points to shrunken head- It's me mum -grins-

**Barbossa**: here we go!

**Will**: I'm not with these People -looks at a old lady and point to all the pirates-

**Security Lady**: I rather you keep that hid!

**Jack**: I'm hurt! Ye saying my mum isn't pretty -hold's up head and pouts-

**Norry**: JACK stop scaring the women!

**Elizabeth**: Jack, please your embarrassing US!

**Security Person**: Umm Please just come here so i can check you

**Jack**: Feisty, aren't ya! -smirks-

**Elizabeth**: Don't get any ideas woman he is MINE!

**Will**:ELIZABETH!

**Elizabeth**: Oh snap, that came out wrong...

**Norry:** NO HE MINE

**Barbossa**: WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL

**Jack**: Norry, dont ever come near me again, savvy??

**Norry**: Yes sir!

**Barbossa**: jack she just needs to check ye for anything around yer body, make sure you ain't got any weapon of sort…

**Jack**: -Grins- oh really, well in that case the only weapon i g- ((gets cut off by will))

**Will**: JACK, stop it NOW

**Jack**: your no fun! -sticks out tongue-

_Security Lady approaches Jack slowly_

**Jack**: I wont bite, luv..HARD

_Elizabeth quickly gets jealous_

_Security person lady calls somebody on her walkie talkie and a big man with huge arms comes up and check's jack _

**Jack**: OI! Who's he

**Security dude:** I will be the one checking you since you're giving Ms. Wanda over here a hard time.

**Jack**: I'm not too fond over men -takes a big gulp-

_Security lady person grins ear to ear_

**Jack**: I now hate you!

_The pirates chuckle and have a ball watching jack get checked by that big security dude as jack is moving around and jump all over the place as the dude checks him, after 30 minutes they have to hold jack down and jack starts to scream bloody murder as he checks him_

**Elizabeth**: now that wasn't so bad now was it…a small laugh escaped her lips!

**Jack**: -walking ahead of everybody- I hate you all!

**Barbossa**: ah, dont take it out on us!

**Jack**: shut it will ye, you know i really don't feel up to looking at fish that look like davy!

_They all enter the aquarium and norry starts to run all over the place!_

**Barbossa**: boy you best be calming down or I will throw ya in with da sharks

**Norry**: ha there like only ONE shark in this aquarium! -crosses his arms-

**Barbossa**: then to the piranha's, eh!

_Norry takes a big gulp_

**Barbossa**: alright then settle down, now where we be going first, eh.

**Will**: well we are close to the place where the whale sharks are- ((cut off by Jack))

**Jack**: are they nice?

**Eliazbeth**: -sarcastically- I don't jack, why don't you jump in with em and see!

_Jack has that scheming look on his face_

**Jack**: -points his finger in the direction to the whale sharks- To the WHALE SHARKS!

**Will**: ok.. I guess we are going to the whale shark tank then, eh!

**Norry**: I like the clown fish -thinks hard- I wonder if they have some good jokes

_The pirates roll there eyes_

**Norry**:You know if you guys if you roll your eyes anymore they are gonna fall outta your tiny little heads!

**Barbossa**: I think yer asking for a death wish, son!

**Norry**: no sir -gulps-

_The camera shoot's to the pirates at the whale shark tank_

**Norry**: They look dumb...and they are so big!

**Barbossa**: just li-

**Will**: BARBOSSA!

**Barbossa: **WHELP!

**Elizabeth**: BARBOSSA

**Jack**: Jack THE SEXY PIRATE!

_Everybody glares at jack _

_Jack slips away_

**Elizabeth**: ok back on the sea animals, I never knew that so many fascinating creatures are under the sea!

**Will**: Elizabeth, darling, you have much to learn -pats Elizabeth on the back-

**VOICE**: Hello world witness me as I try to ride the whales and too see if they are nice!

**Will**: what the-

**Elizabeth**: oh god, he took up was I said about seeing if they were nice!

**Norry**: you know you really need to keep your mouth shut from now on!

**Elizabeth**: HMPH!

_The pirates look up to see jack over the tank on a platform about to jump on a whale shark_

**Jack**: Boy is this gonna be fun-screams- Geronimo!

_Jack lands on the whale shark_

**Elizabeth**: Oh. My. God.

_All the pirates are left hanging with there mouth open_

**Jack**: hey, eunuch look at me betcha never could do this!

**Will**: your INSANE

**Jack**: join the club! YEEHAWW ride em pirate!" SAVE WHALE, RIDE PIRATE"

**Barbossa**: ohh this is so going into my diary!

_The pirates move away from barbossa slowly!_

_After jack proves that the whale sharks are nice thou the aquarium security has to pry him away from the whale sharks they all leave and are heading back home_

**Jack**: -chuckles- I had fun, I named him Jack Jr. -sways legs back and forth-

**Will**: you're and IDIOT!

**Elizabeth**: STOP being mean to jack, he just likes to have fun and he is daring unlike you will!

_All the pirates just stare at Elizabeth_

**Norry**: and when's the last time you were nice to him!

**Elizabeth**: umm…that slipped out…sorry!

Will: -scowls and folds arms- No kissy-kissy for you tonight!

**Jack**:" playing kissy-kissy, smoochy-smoochy, talking mushy-mushy bout nothing"

**Barbossa**: WTF

_Will cocks his head to the side_

**Jack**: well..uh..since Will aint gonna give you no kisses tonight why dont you come on over to my room!

**Elizabeth**: PERVERT, YOUR SUCH A PIG

_Jack looks insulted_

**Jack**: I'm insulted! -grasps chest-

_Everybody but Jack and Elizabeth put there hand over there face_

**Elizabeth**: -mouths- is 12 good for you

_Jack nods and gives her that sexy smirk_

_Elizabeth winks_

**

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**

Well i hope you guys enjoyed this!!

**You guys rock my socks!**

_Hayleydepp9449 is off to scream some more because Johnny won a KCA ((again)) woot!_


	5. Singing and Capt Morgan

**Oh my ((scrunches up at all the sporks and waffles with Jack on them thrown at her))...:(( you guys dont know how sorry i am for the long wait i've been so busy...school gets out in 2 weeks so then i should have plenty of time to update...hopefully!!**

**well here you guys go and im SOOOOOO SOOOOO sorry for the long wait!!**

**A/N: I dont own anything!**

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Hayleydepp9449: Hi, Welcome Viewers to another exciting episode of Three months with the cast of Pirates of the Caribbean! I'm back and have security guards surrounding this studio maybe next week it will be safe enough to at least go outside ((nervously laughs)) well lets take a look at our favorite swashbuckling pirates.

((camera pans to the pirates deciding where to go))

**Jack**: Eh, I aint no swashbuckling pirate, I'm a fierce, sexy, good looking pirate because I'm too sexy for this show, too sexy for your words, I'm so sexy it hurtsssss!((Jack rips off his shirt))

**Elizabeth**: Yeah thats what you think..now put another shirt on before i barf!

**Jack**: No, I KNOW, plus that's not what you said last nig-

_Elizabeth's eyes grow huge_

**Will**: Well ((shifting around in his chair)) what happened last night, _Elizabeth_.

**Jack**: ha-ha, so you haven't told h-

**Elizabeth**:((jumps up and screams)) NO!((See's everybody looking concerned about her so she sits down and brushes herself off)) Nothing happened last, Will, plus you know how Jack is thinking everybody loves him and that everybody is all over him.

**Jack**: Lizzie, darling, I know it, I don't think it, get it right.

**Norry**: Well, what are we gonna do today!

**Barbossa**: I think imma go to get ye some help!

**Norry**: NO NEVER!((runs outta the room and runs into the wall))

**Barbossa**: Ha-ha

_All the pirates stare at norry as he runs up the stairs and falls down then quickly gets back up and runs again up it_

**Jack**: Wow..falling up the stairs??

**Will**: I don't get it?((shakes his head))

**Elizabeth**: I did it before.

((everybody stares))

**Barbossa**: aye, I'm going down town, I need a drink!

**Jack**: I think yer the one who needs the help, mate, with all yer drinking problems!

**Barbossa**: Look who's talking Mr.-substitute-chocolate-for-rum.

**Jack**: One time thing mate((gets in Barbossa's face and holds up a one with his finger))

**Barbossa**: Whatever.((rolls eyes))

**Elizabeth**: Now how you going to get there, Barbossa

**Barbossa**: easy my moped! ((walks out with a pink helmet and gloves on along with a scarf))

**Jack**: Hey. Have you ever noticed when a moped goes by you it says_ immmmm gayyyyyyy_

**Will**: you know I have and when-

**Elizabeth**: It's in neutral it says immmaaa hommmmooo!

**Jack**: What a coincidence!

**Will**: Thank you Elizabeth for taking the words right outta my mouth!

**Elizabeth**: you're welcome((grins))

**Jack**: Well it's almost dinner time, you guys wanna go out to eat, Will's buying!

**Will**: Who said I was buying!

**Jack**: Me when I saw you watching Dora the explorer this morning!

**Will**: Ok I'm buying!

**Jack**: sweet!

**Elizabeth**:((snickers)) so where are we gonna go eat?

**Will**: Maybe McDonalds or somewhere?

**Jack**: Oi, no way we are going to a place with a bar or something!

**Elizabeth**: _You_ just wanna get drunk and sing love songs

**Jack**: Aye, took you that long to figure it out

**Elizabeth**: I...never mind.

**Will**: well fine...

_The camera shoots to the pirates all in the limo_

**Jack**: So where ya wanna go?

**Norry**: Somewhere fancy...

**Will**: Sounds good to me, you...Elizabeth

**Elizabeth**: yeah sure, jack?

**Jack**: No I said a place with a bar plus I don't like that kinda fancy food ((gags))

**Will**: well we are going to go to a fancy place with a bar then sound good

**Jack**: ((Sulks)) whatever but if I starve to death I'm blaming you, I _shoulda_ went with Barbie instead of you guys and norry!

**Norry**: why do you guys call me norry, it's _Norrington_.

**Will**: because the the script person thingy doesn't like to write out your name!

**Hayleydepp9449 as a voice**: That's right!

**Jack**: Bugger what was that...

**Hayleydepp9449**: non of your business!

**Jack**: are you a voodoo lady? ((scrunches up))

**Hayleydepp9449**: ((starts to chant something)) ughmamna tikki wakka chickki tonnoa!

**Jack**: OMG it's Tia Dalma((ducks and covers))

**Will**: no she is just trying to scare you!

**Hayleydepp9449**: yes jackie I'm just trying to have a little fun since you almost cost me my life, but I still love you with all of my heart!

**Jack**: I DID NOT! You're the one who jumped on me...wait this is hayley isn't it, ohh I love you too, I guess?!

**Hayleydepp9449**: ((sarcastically)) No jack, it's Tia Dalma, Now I have to go!

**Jack**: that was freaky!

**Elizabeth**: your telling me!

**Jack**: as if, you the definition of freaky I don't have to tell you twice!

_Elizabeth tries to jump on jack but Will holds her back as norry is in the corner of the limo begging everybody to stop fighting!_

_They all get out of the car and walk to the eatery_

**Norry**: YAY, we are here!

**Jack**: eh, eunuch, wots this place called?

**Will**:((furious)) IM NOT A DAMN EUNUCH!

**Jack**: ((acting calm and sincere but is faking it)) it's ok Will Just confess why dontcha? Your not the only one who is a eunuch here!

**Will**: huh?!((looks confused))

**Jack**: look to your left.

**Norry**: why you looking at me!

**Jack**: He-he, he is such a eunuch..((chuckles))

_They walk in and Will talks to the host_

**Will**: uh hi, a table for ((counts everybody)) four, please

**Host**: and who are you suppose to be?

**Jack**((mutters)) a eunuch.

**Will**: what did you say?

**Jack:** ((ignoring will))oh look a bar!

Jack runs over to the bar and the rest of the pirates are seated as soon as they sit down

Jack comes back with four Captain Morgansin his hands.

**Elizabeth**: oh jack, you're so nice!

**Jack**: what points to Capt. mogans nah, these are for me...hey did you know i have met this guy before

_Will and Elizabeth shake there heads_

**Will**: selfish!

**Norry**: I don't like those anyways I like Shirley Temple's

**Will**: your so fruity!

**Elizabeth**: that's what I like

Jack: look who talking ((looks at will))

**Will**: I'm not a fruit cup!

**Jack**: I didn't say that!

**Will**: You implied it!

**Jack**: DID NOT!

_After 15 minutes of fighting the waiter comes over_

**Waiter**: Hello and welcome to ze eatery which we call ze eatery! My name iz Jacques((jack sinckers))

**Jack**: ((trys not to laugh whiel he talks in a French accent)) So zis is called ze eatery, eh, zu to server((snickers)) your name iz Jacques, my name is Pierre and itz iz nice to meetz you!

_all the pirates burst out laughing_

**Waiter**:((talks in his French accent,sarcastically))your very funny, zack sparrow!

**Jack**: ((scowls)) its jack not zack, and you forgot the captain part...i bet you all call capt morgan; capt morgan...he gets more respect than i do and all he does is stand on a barrel but what do i get..NOTHING((pouts))

**Waiter**: who carez! Now what can I getz for youzeyes meanly PIRATES!

**Will**: uhh I will get the ….uhh… Soufflé au fromage

_Jack whispers Elizabeth something_

**Elizabeth**: fine Jack, umm excuse me but do you have a kiddies menu

_Everybody eyes Jack_

**Jack**: Whats wrong with that..i just dont know how to speak french ya knw...for all i know i could be ordering snails and im allergic to snails!

**Will**: He will take the snails...

_They all burst out laughing_

**Jack**: No he will not..now mr. whats-your-name...wots on the menu?

**Waiter**: well we haz ze macaroni and cheese and ze c-

**Jack**: I will take the macaroni and cheese from the kiddies menu please

**Waiter**: and you Zir?

**Norry**: uhh..Mousse de Saumon et Capres, please.

**Waiter**: Madame?

**Elizabeth**: ((blushes)) I'm flattered!

**Jack**: Elizabeth, darling not in here at this moment, please!!

**Elizabeth:** ((rolls eyes)) but I will have the…Pate de Lapin..

**Jack**: When did you guys learn french!

_Everybody ignores him_

**Waiter**: Drinks?

**Norry**: yes I will have a sample of the White Wine please

**Jack**: like I said he is fruity!

**Will**: I said that not you!

**Jack**: Oh right...oops.

**Elizabeth**: I will have tea with no sugar and uh a lemon ((hastily grabs his arm as he walks away)) uhh make it 3 lemons, please.

**Jack**: ((mutters)) lemon sucker!

_Will and norry laugh_

**Elizabeth**: Leave me alone!

**Will**: I will have water, please

**Waiter:** and for youz sir? ((looks at jack))

**Jack**: wha? Me? Ohh no thanks mate im set ((points to the drinks and smirks))

Waiter rolls his eyes and walks away and places the order for the cook

_Elizabeth bites her lip and looks at Jack_

**Jack**: Oi? Why you looking at me like that for?((is scared))

**Elizabeth**: That smirk drives me CRAZY!

**Jack**: ((scoots over to lizzie)) eh, really.

_Will gets up and drags jack over to where he was originally sitting._

**Wil**l: Man, watch it, ((points to Elizabeth))You too Elizabeth

_They both pout in there chairs and the food comes out_

**Jack**: ohh I can't wait to see how this taste((takes a swig of his 3rd Capt Morgan))

**Norry**: Jack all it is; is mac and cheese

**Jack**: made by someone i dont know!! That waiter might try to kill me!

((they all eat and head on over to the bar))

Norry: Jack I think you have had too much to drink you don't need no more!

**Will**: Jack just lay low for a few minutes, please?!

**Jack**: ((slurring morethan regular)) you people always want me to do something for you, Jack this, Jack that, Jack please stop, Jack just one kiss please!

_Will Looks at Elizabeth and is furious_

**Elizabeth**:((looks innocent and shift eyes back and forth because will found out))uhhhhh, umm, heyy look he is drunk, don't listen to jack.

**Will**: (mad)) he is always drunk!

**Jack**: ((slurring somemore))You don't tell me what to do yer slimy git!((talks to bartender)) Give me a shot of Brandy and a Shot of Rum pleaseeeeeeeee((puppy dog eyes))

Bartender:((looks at jack with pity)) right wit ye sir

**Jack**: sweet!

((_bartender comes back with his drink(s)))_

**Jack**: you're a good man. ((slips him a 10))

**Elizabeth**: Jack, you never change do you?!

**Jack**:stands up on a table Oi, People of the world..er..eatery..eh..i have some news for you…IM GOING TO SING!

_Everybody groans_

_Jack walks over to Elizabeth drunk and staggering _

**Jack**:((slurring every word))

The first time, that I saw your eyes

Girl you looked right through me, mm mmm

Played it cool, but I knew you knew

That cupid hit me, mm mmm

**Elizabeth: **

You got me trippin',(oh) stumblin',(oh) flippin',(oh) fumblin'(oh)

Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love(in love)

You got me slippin,(oh) tumblin,(oh) sinking,(oh) fumblin(oh)

Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love(in love)

So in love with choo...

**Will**: ((screams)) WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!

**People in the eatery:**

Girl can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh Baby)

Girl can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh No)

Girl can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh How)

Girl can't help it.

**Jack: **

Cant breath, when you touch my sleeve,

Butterflies so crazy, ummm ummm

Whoa now? Think I'm goin' down

Friends don't know what's with me, mmm mmm

**Elizabeth**:

You got me trippin',(oh) stumblin',(oh) flippin',(oh) fumblin'(oh)

Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love(in love)

You got me slippin, tumblin, sinking, fumblin

Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love(in love)

So in love with Choo...

**Norry**:

She can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh No)

She can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh Please)

She can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh No)

She can't help it.

**Jack**:

You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me

This love sick thing, I'm a pirate for jesus sake!

I don't serious relationships and uh,

A sexy pirate like me don't stay single for long

'Cuz every time Giselle and scarlet and I break up, my world is crushed and I'm all alone,

The love bug crawls right back up and bites me…right on me arse!

And I'm back and bigger than ever!

**People in the eatery and Norry:**

She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (In love)

She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (Oh God)

She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (I'm back in love)

Girl can't help it.

Whooo hoo hoo

She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (I'm back in love, yeah)

She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (I'm back in love, yeah baby)

She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (I'm back in love, yeah)

**Will**: I want a EXPLANATION FOR THIS!

**Jack:**

You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'

Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love (in love)

You got me slippin, tumblin, sinking, fumblin

Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love (in love)

So in love with you...

**Elizabeth**:

You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'

Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love (in love)

You got me slippin, tumblin, sinking, fumblin

Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love (in love)

So in love with you...

**Will**:((grabs jack by the collar and drags him to the limo and grabs Elizabeth by the hand)) Oh. My. God. lets go Jack and Elizabeth you got some explaining to do!

**Jack**: ((sings the song from "I love lucy" slurring everyword..again))

I Love Lucy and she loves me,

We're as happy as two can be,

sometimes we quarrel but then again

How we love making up again.

_Everybody starts to laugh as Jack falls trying to get into the limo so he starts to crawl_

* * *

_Well There ya go! reviews are loved much thou you all may hate me because of the long wait!_

_Will try to update as soon as possible_

_peace and have an great memorial day weekend!_

_hayleydepp9449 is outta herez!_


	6. Jail Birds

**Well...I'm sorry about all the grammer problems and how the story is layed out...i'm in the midst of working on that...**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Hayleydepp9449: Hello and welcome again viewer we have an exciting episode today, lets head on over to the pirates at the house deciding, once again, what to do.

_Camera pans over to the pirates sitting around trying to figure out what to do_

**Elizabeth**: What's are we in for today, I enjoyed last night a lot!

**Will**: ((scowls)) I bet you did, ((looks at jack and elizabeth)) singing clumsy to each other, you two should be ashamed of your self's!

**Jack**: NEWSFLASH WILL! I dont remeber anything from last night! heck, I was drunk, but I sure as heck remember Elizabeth and me, uh never mind….

**Will**: Please finish, Jack I would love to hear it!((crosses his arms))

**Elizabeth**: Nothing, nothing can we just figure out something to do today!

**Jack**: I'm good with that!((points to lizzie))

**Will**: ((scowls)) Well i got five tickets to the Braves game...

**Jack**: Who in the bloody hell is the braves!

**Norry**: Its like a football team or something.

**Barbossa**: It's Baseball, you are gonna cause me to drink until I commit suicide!

**Jack**: ((eyes widen)) Norry get on Barbossa's nerves as much as you can for the next three months and Barbie...since when did you get so 'manly'?

**Barbossa**: ((runs to the kitchen to get a spatula)) Come 'ere you imma kill you!

_Jack and Barbossa run around the house a few times and then take it outside and then eventually get caught by the cops and charged for disturbing the peace_

**Norry**: awww man now we cant go to the game we gotta get jack and barbie outta jail, curses!

**Will**: No worries game isnt till tomrrow!

**Norry**: Then why did you even mention it?!

**Will**: Bats me!((shrugs))

_Norry bangs his head on the wall_

Elizabeth: Now where are we gonna get the money to get them outta jail?

_Jack and norrington both look up at each other and smile and then turn to Elizabeth_

**Elizabeth**: Oh no, no way am I doing that!

_Elizabeth back's up away from them_

**Will**: well then ((getting frustrated)) since you don't like working at Victoria's Secret or some place like that then...

**Elizabeth**: Oh that kinda work…((smiles nervously))

**Will**: well what did you have in mind

**Norry**: Like prostitution or something?

_Elizabeth just sits and smile nervously patting her knees_

**Elizabeth**: I can call father ad ask him for the money!

**Norry**: sounds good to me!

Camera pans over to Jack and Barbossa in jail

_Jack jumps up onto the cell bars and music from nowhere starts to play and jack and barbossa start to dance_

**Jack:**

Please Mr. Jailer, let an honest man go free.

**Barbossa: **

Yeah yeah yeah

Please Mr. Jailer, won't you let us go free?

**Jack and Barbossa**:

Please Mr. Jailer, don't you make no lifer outta me.

I'm innocent, I swear it. Let Elizabeth testify,

She'll tell you where we was that night.

**Jack**:

Yeah she's is our alibi!

**Barbossa and Jack**:

Well I'm tired of pressing license plates down in this rotten hole,

I gotta reach the outside before I lose control.

Please Mr. Jailer, don't you make no lifer outta us!

**Inmates**:

Yeah Yeah Yeah

**Jack**:

Please Mr. Jailer, let me out of this penitentiary

(Whoa, let me out)

Please Mr. Jailer, don't you make no lifer out of me.

**Barbossa:**

(Please Mr. Jailer) won't you let ussssss go free?

Whoa ho ho oh, whoa ho, let uss go free.

**Jack**:

Whoa oh oh, don't make no lifer out of me.

please Mr. Jailer, can't you see how much love we got for the sea!

**Barbossa**:

Well, let us go! let us go! let ussss go free. Yeah Whoa

**Jack**:

Please mr Jailer. Let me out!

Please mr. Jailer, don't make me shout.

Please mr. Jailer!

_Song is over _

**Police officer**: ((cocks his eyes to the side)) Will you guys shut it up!

**Barbossa**: When I get outta hear im gonna get a drink!

**Jack:** I thought you did pretty good, Barbossa

**Barbossa**: you too jack!

**Jack**: That's the nicest thing you have said to me in awhile ((Jack sniffs))

**Barbossa**: are you crying?

**Jack**: NO! A fly flew in me eye is all.((turns around and rubs eyes making sure Barbossa isnt looking))

_Barbossa stares at jack_

**Jack**: WHAT!

**Barbossa**: Nothing, Jack, Nothing ((shakes his head))

**Jack**: I wonder if Elizabeth and those other guys are coming to get us, I really miss her!

_Barbossa eyes widen like this Oo_

**Barbossa**: Jack, don't tell me your in love!

**Jack**: No I just like to screw with you, but I do miss her, I like making will mad! ((does his evil laughter))

**Barbossa**: You're a horrible person Jack Sparrow.

**Jack**: Look who's is talking mr.-im-so-evil-hell-itself-spat-me-back-out!

**Barbossa**: Whatever!

_Norry, Elizabeth, and Will come running into the jail house_

**Elizabeth**: Oh Jack I...uhh we got the money for you and barbossa to get outta here ((acts innocent))

**Will**: ((frustrated)) I'm getting sick of you and Jack's games!

**Jack**: What are you talking about. ((Looks innocent along with Elizabeth))

**Will**: Don't play dumb with me!

**Barbossa**: Who said he had to play?!

**Jack**: ((snaps his head to barbossa)) You, sir, need to shut it!

**Norry**: look we will settle our differences later, this is where my heart truly lies

**Elizabeth**: stop quoting the movie and plus that didn't make any sense at all!

**Norry**: Sorry!

**Jack**: Do I have to sing again ok well...

Please Mr. Jailer, let me out of this penitentiary !

**Will**: Oh my ears!((covers ears))

**Jack**: I don't sing that bad!

**Will:** have you heard yourself lately?

**Jack**: I think I sound sexy, see..

I'm bringin' sexy back (Yeah)

Them other boys don't know

how to act!(Yeah)

I think you're special

what's behind your

back.(Yeah)

So turn around and I'll pick

up the slack!(Yeah)

**Elizabeth**: Lets get you outta here ((snaps fingers to police guy)) let them out...

**Police guy**: ((levels with Elizabeth)) Lemme see the money ((acts tough))

**Elizabeth**: Not till you let them go((Acts tough back))

**Jack:** What are you guys doing dealing crack, let us outta here!

**Norry**: CRACK IS WACK!

_Everybody stares at Norry_

**Police guy**: Fine ((lets them out)) where is my money!

**Elizabeth**: ((Gives him the money)) There, happy and I bet you do deal crack!

**Police guy**: Why I ought to-

**Will**: RUN!

* * *

_Well how about that...Barbossa and Jack being nice for 2 minutes together..RECORD TIME!_

_hayleydepp9449 is out_

_PEACE ((Throws up 'Peace' sign))_


End file.
